she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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