So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
