just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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