M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
