In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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