you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
