How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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