First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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