i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
