When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
