So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
