needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
