There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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