we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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