the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
