Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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