it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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