I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
