At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
