There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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