Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
