I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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