sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
