The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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