im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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