dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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