before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
