walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
