Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
