something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
