I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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