The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
