dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
