Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
