dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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