Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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