i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i think i have two assholes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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