meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
