That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
