Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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