Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
