After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
