Define "chronic" masturbator.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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