Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
