I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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