I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
