don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize