my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
