so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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