In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
