Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
