I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize