Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
