I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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