I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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