I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
