They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
