I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
