it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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