Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
