I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize