the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
where are my eyebrows?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
