At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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