wanna go halves on a baby?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
