you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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