My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
