life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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