Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
