woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize