I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
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